A few months ago I purchased a book called A Mothers Legacy. The book contains wonderful questions with lines below it a for which a parent can write her thoughts on the topic and it gives the opportunity to leave a little of her story behind for their children to have one day.
Each Sunday I answer a question. I give myself a week to really relish the memory and I am finding this to be a wonderful experience. The questions bring back many memories of times in my life. While most of the memories are filled with happy thoughts there are of course some sad moments as well.
The questions in this book have me remembering how I was not a confident child at all. I was actually a child who had anxiety and lots of fear within her. For many years as an adult I felt a bit resentful as deep down I know I could have been a totally different person had I just been encouraged. I always felt as a child if I wasnt praised what would be the point in doing well or trying anything. Who knows if this perception is right or wrong but if it is how I feel it is true to me.
I was angry for years when the "nerdy" girl met the cute guy and went on a date with him and when she arrived home her Mother told her not to get her hopes up. I held so much anger inside of me when the cute guy finally asked her to marry him and the year I got engaged my Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was so resentful and stayed a victim who constantly asked herself the question why when I should have the spotlight was all this happening? The wedding day was filled with emotion, Dad was about 60 pounds, and so very sick. Ive always held a void in my heart I could not dance with my Dad that day. All little girls dream of their wedding.
I finally realized parents do the best they can with what they know and really I turned out just fine. Dad did not want to get sick and leave me during this wonderful time in my life either. He did not do any of this on purpose. We cannot tell God our plan. For his reasons God needed my Dad home. Perspective. I truly am learning to change mine. Im learning to strengthen my faith. Faith is giving me courage fo face what I dont yet know and it keeps me strong during difficulties.
For all the ways I always felt cheated I am replacing them with gratefulness. Mom, I won!! That great guy is still married to me almost 31 years later. I know it was not your nature to praise. I now am learning to stop being a victim and blaming and instead let it go and use my skills to learn and grow. Because I felt lacking of hugs, affection, praise and interest it is incredibly easy for me to offer them to most people I meet. I constantly tell people what they mean to me and I am extremely compassionate kind and very funny. Im enormously talented and am loving finding new interests each and every day.
Little Donna now tells herself every day Mom did the best she could! Once you get past the anger inside you life is so much better outside. I spent so many years with anger over the past that I to some extent overlooked the wonderful world I have. Someone was definately watching over me when I met my husband. To have someone genuinely love you is the most precious gift in the entire world. I am blessed.
If your 50 something and are holding on to some sort of baggage from the past sort through it. Work on the anger and try to look at it in a different way. Use the negatives as gifts. That is exactly what I have done. Time is ticking and once it is gone we cannot get it back. We have lived far more days than we realistically have remaining so I dont want to waste them lugging old baggage memories around with me weighing me down and holding me up.
I still love encouragement. Im working on that. We can have twenty people applaud us but the one person that ignores or says something negative resonates so much louder than the applause. Its a process but Im getting there.
I thank that wonderful book for putting me on the road for a positive second half. I now know I can and will be the best I can be and I am going to be extremely successful doing it. Would I love applause...OF COURSE!!!! The difference now is while it would brighten my day the main reason Im doing it for is ME!
I now can create healthy wonderful memories filled with much love, and laughter....
Share your baggage with me. I would love to hear how you are handling it. I encourage you to use painful experiences and make them opportunities. We 50 somethings are all connected. Fellowship is a wonderful thing. I hope you will invite me into your special story. These truly are the best days of our lives....TRULY
I can certainly relate to a mother who found it hard to be supportive in a positive way. To this day she tells me" You are really out there." It had always bothered me when she would tell me that, but now, finally at age 60, I can tell her "thanks, because that's what makes me a writer, a creative person, and someone who loves new ideas and experiences."
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thank you so much for commenting. Bravo to you. Our past most certainly made us the people we are today. I read your wonderful blog and I enjoyed it so much. You are correct. Your experiences made you a wonderful well rounded writer. So glad to meet other people who share their stories. We really are all connected. thank you so much again for writing.
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